Seaturn

Where to begin with all this. There is so much in my mind and I am just trying to make everything come together. I have been thinking and trying to come up with a decision knowing that both ways is just as hard.

 

During september this year I was scared of what I wanted to do. I knew that I had to try to make myself fluent in the dutch language if I still want to live here. Me and John went to check up the language courses, but it was expensive and difficult if I wasn't a citizen. It would have been different if we were married because then I could registrate myself as "family" with John.

However, was this what I wanted to do? Doing a language course? I didn't have the drive to do it, at least not for now. If it doesn't feel right, I can't do it. It's simply of how I work.

 

We talked about what I wanted to do, me and John. My answer was that I wanted to work and go travel for my first time alone or with a friend. But for that, I have to go back to Sweden. We both admitted that I was happier in Sweden because my family and support was closer. It was simply easier too.

It felt right, even though I knew meeting each other would be a lot harder, but I would at least follow my dream to save my money to travel.

 

 

It was around a week ago I started to feel different again. I had just been to a friend's place and was on my way home. I was sitting there in the tram surrounded by a few people minding their own business while I was looking out the window. 'Wow, it is so beautiful here in brussels', I was thinking. It feels so excotic living in another country, it is something I really want to do. Being away makes it so special to come home too, because I love our apartment, it feels like home.

 

But no matter how little I like the people in Brussels and how much I want to work and travel.. it is John I am going to miss and matter the most. He is the one I want to be with in the end and I am not sure I will make it without him.

 

With all this I think I am taking a break from my blogging. I don't know if it will be forever or something temporary since I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. 

With this I thank all of you who have been reading (even though it was in english). It has been a fun journey and I hope I can go back to it again some day.

 

Why does the sun have to go down so early?! I need the natural light to get some good photos! If there would have been snow outside I don't think I would complain so much. Thank GOD that there is streetlights ,otherways I would be completly black!

 

Right, so my table is filled up with stuff I got from my "mother-in-law" and I am trying to sortate all this stuff. It is so much even though it is just small containers that is samples you get from flights, stores and magazines, yet I feel so rich.

I guess when you are living a life where you have to be more cautious with your money, you start like all the small things. However living cheap can drive me nuts time to time.. 

 

It feels like the only thing I do is to sortate my computer but somehow it just refills instantly. I mean I do take a lot of pictures and it ends up being only 10 pictures that is actually worth keeping (out of 100 pics). 

Sortating pics is just the most boring thing you can do.. and I have pictures from the summer of 2013 that still remains unsortated. So unless I start taking this seriously and start sortating I guess no new pictures will be coming up.. heh.

 

 

Even though it is like a month away (almost) you can feel the christmas feel in the air. Something that is missed though is the snow. Preferably I like to have a 0,5 meters of snow, -10 in the air and warm outdoor clothes. Awh, thinking about it gives me a fuzzy feeling, wanting it even more.

  

Lately I been working a lot on my laptop with photoshop, sortating stuff and other small projects.

I need to do it, just to keep my negative thoughts away. I try to think positive and let some things go - it is a struggle that I keep on "fighting" with.

That is why my blogging is so uneven, but I will still do my best to keep it up like I have planned.

 

Sorry that the text is so confusing, I might explain it some other day when I have cleared my head a little.

 

Yesterday I just couldn't blog because I can't sleep normally anymore when I have my rash. Let me explain how I got this.

 

Last friday morning I noticed how it started to itch everywhere on my body. I thought it was probably just because it is getting colder and the air is getting dryer, so I smeared some lotion on where it itched. It helped for a few hours, but then it came back. Out of insanity I started to scratch it and it start to burn, get red and get warm. I also get those bumps that you get after a musquito bite.

 

 

• I have not tried/wear new/old make-up.

• I have not washed my face with some harsh soap.

• I have not tried anything different when it comes to food (except for snails).

• I have used old sheets (and clothes) and changed to new ones.

• My skin is not dry

• I have showered

 

 

 

• I am allergic to something (but who knows what?)

• It is something psychological

 

If someone has any treatment for this, please tell me. So far I am using cold wet towels to calm my skin which helps for about 3 hours.

 

How I feel right now + looks kind of similar of what I have now. Now it is just on my neck and on my face (picture from mexico)

While looking through pictures I found these:

 

I love our new fridge that we got in May. It will keep my food preserved for ages without going bad! Not like our old fridge that made my vegetables moldy within 4 days, a overfreezing pocket so I had to defrost it often and oh yeah, let's not forget the troubles with closing the door and the freezing pocket door!

 

One of the other day I was in bed, being bored and scrolling through for fun apps and games on my phone. Then I stumble upon this app called "Duolingo" where you can learn a language for free while it being enjoyable! 

Basically it is like a game that is divided by levels that you have to master. Once you have mastered one level you can move on to the next one. But watch out! If you make too many mistakes you have to wait until the next day you can play again.

 

So yeah, I am trying to learn dutch by myself now, and maybe I will learn some other languages while I am on the go anyways, haha :)

 

Sometimes it is hard to throw yourself back to reality. Just finding your way back on the road you were on before, you know? If that is the road you should be on that is..

 

Yeah, like always I have a lot on my mind that i need to figure out.

The summer vibes has come back to Belgium for some reason. So wearing jeans and/or a jacket is a big NO-NO. 

In other news, we have looked up a dutch course for me that I can join, but was really nothing that I expected. It is far away, it costs a lot of money and so on. I am starting to feel so tired that everything has to be so difficult because no matter what I choose it doesn't really feel right. 

 

I just want to make the right decision that can make me the most happy.

 

 

Now I am back again in Belgium so the blogging will come more frequently than before.

 

So what has happened since I got here? Oh, well I got photographed for a newspaper when I was in the gym, sweaty and red I was. It couldn't get any prettier *sigh*.

For now I have to continue cleaning our apartment since we are getting our friends over here tonight. See you around!

 

Summer time is here and I am busy with working and hanging out with family and friends. Like many other people will soon have vacation and I was thinking having some too, but from the blog.

I want to relax at the maximum when I can and not have to think about things I have put up on my blog. My inspiration is absolutely at the lowest in the summer but will however come back during the atumn. 

 

 

Since I don't have anything fresh to talk about or show, I am going to show you a short sum up on what we did.

 

Typical street in Brussels.

The more I think over how close it is until I will go to sweden, the more I want to go. I want to meet my whole family again and re-experience swedish coulture. 

 

Going through my pictures, like I always do, I found pictures of Hubbe. Oh, if I could I would bring him here or get my own cat so I wouldn't feel so alone. 

 

I have come to a point where I have started to really enjoy the long hair that I have right now. I mean okay, I do want to have a liiiittle longer than I have now. Like the length on the pictures here, but curly. 

 

So last friday I finally finished my letter to grandma that actually should have been done a month before. Hour after hour I was busy with it. I wanted it to be perfect. Yet it was just a letter. 

 

I hope this will not get lost somewhere since I send her a little gift, a little blue scarf in matter in fact for her birthday (even though it is late). Better late than never!

 

Yesterday my internet didn't wanted to work at all so I could post the pictures from the party. So let's just do it now shall we?