Where to begin with all this. There is so much in my mind and I am just trying to make everything come together. I have been thinking and trying to come up with a decision knowing that both ways is just as hard.
During september this year I was scared of what I wanted to do. I knew that I had to try to make myself fluent in the dutch language if I still want to live here. Me and John went to check up the language courses, but it was expensive and difficult if I wasn't a citizen. It would have been different if we were married because then I could registrate myself as "family" with John.
However, was this what I wanted to do? Doing a language course? I didn't have the drive to do it, at least not for now. If it doesn't feel right, I can't do it. It's simply of how I work.
We talked about what I wanted to do, me and John. My answer was that I wanted to work and go travel for my first time alone or with a friend. But for that, I have to go back to Sweden. We both admitted that I was happier in Sweden because my family and support was closer. It was simply easier too.
It felt right, even though I knew meeting each other would be a lot harder, but I would at least follow my dream to save my money to travel.
Then everything turned different.
It was around a week ago I started to feel different again. I had just been to a friend's place and was on my way home. I was sitting there in the tram surrounded by a few people minding their own business while I was looking out the window. 'Wow, it is so beautiful here in brussels', I was thinking. It feels so excotic living in another country, it is something I really want to do. Being away makes it so special to come home too, because I love our apartment, it feels like home.
But no matter how little I like the people in Brussels and how much I want to work and travel.. it is John I am going to miss and matter the most. He is the one I want to be with in the end and I am not sure I will make it without him.
With all this I think I am taking a break from my blogging. I don't know if it will be forever or something temporary since I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. 
With this I thank all of you who have been reading (even though it was in english). It has been a fun journey and I hope I can go back to it again some day.
Over and out!


Kommentera inlägget här:

Kom ihåg mig?

E-postadress: (publiceras ej)